why im sooo fucking depressd

there was a seventeen year old teen named elijah armstrong he seemed to fuck everything up for himself never was the fighter never had a lot of friends the friends he did have he eventually lost so now Elijah lives in a group home 1 hour away from most of his friends and dreds his life alot and often asks questions like why am i living im not happy i don't deserve this life im living so he most of the time stick to him self he also looks forward to biking thats somthing that eases Elijahs pain because you can get on a bike and find a trail and find some sights of nature that only some people have seen now Elijah does not know how long he can keep going through his battle with depression he often will feel alone and fakes his smile just to show the people around him that care about him that hes okay when this is his tactic of not showing that hes really not ok the thing Elijah really wanted was friends he would do any thing to fit in just for some friends but one thing he always did to stop his thinking was say tomorrows a new day that worked alot but when he turned sixteen it suddenly stopped Elijah now cant really find a new saying to stop his negative thinking and wonders how long it will be until he is finely happy again one thing Elijah really wants to change is some peoples views on depression Elijah often thinks to himself do people really think puting me in a group home better well they probably do but no one really knows how Elijah's feeling but himself and Elijah has relized that his depressions geting alot worse but if the people he cares about are happy thats really all he cares about but Elijah just wants out of the group home because he thinks its close to hell he really would not wish living in a group home on any one it really makes Elijah's depression alot worse he feels like theres no hope at all any more he just does not really look forward to alot now he feels like a cold hearted asshole that just makes people hate him or disown him and he feels like he is to depressed to move on