Why?

I don't know why I do this why I think I can I do this knowing I can't and I'm not typing this right now to get attention, nut I'm just typing what I am thinking. Why I don't know I don't know anything anymore my friends think I'm gay even though no matter how may times I tell them that I'm not they continue. No matter how I dress even if I'm in a dress apperatly I still look like a fucking dike. Maybe they aren't my real friends maybe I have no one like always. Sometimes I wish I could die like as if life would be better without me and everyone would be happier without me. The worst thing is that well not really the worst is that I'm still in love with my ex no matter how much it hurts I still like him. I don't know why I'm typing this I don't even know why I'm still alive I feel like I should be six feet under. Maybe I need help or therapy and probably no one else understands what I'm going through but that's okay I guess I've been through this all by myself for years. I don't want sympathy either. People think it helps but it doesn't and saying sorry or everything's gonna be okay doesn't help either. I don't even feel loved by my own parents it's like I'm invisible and all I ever I do is let it happen even if I was to say something it probably wouldn't change anything anyway. All I do when this happens I just cry and be pathetic and you know I probably deserve it anyway, but anything I've ever wanted was to be loved but I know that won't ever happen. Maybe it's just time to give up.