Wish it not if you must

Avinash

It began with the youthful spirit to hone ones future. Sometimes wishes put a full stop to everything. Here also comes the same pathway. Jobs are not always enjoyable. My upbringing raised me to wish for more. Paast had more of longing on my parents side with mother being sufferer to fathers agony. My elder kins suffered the same. Although I dint my sister passes it on to my story. She forgot sharing the pain may not alleviate ones but born out others.
She made her suffering mine. Well, this wont be a good advice to follow for any elder.
I raised to be a good graduate. Alas it is adviced to satiate for less. But desires are never bounded. I got a good job. In her bid to excel my future she alienated me from regular friends to create an idle boy. But ideal boys as per a girls dream are never realisable.
My job paid e well. But brains are programmed and we are less of genetic than being imagined. I imaginedto clear highly wanted MBA exam. In this bid i began to remain more in rooms after my job than moving out. It gave me less of excercise which stoppedd my vitamin d absorption and vitamin b12 formation. It is required to keep the flow of neurons intact to keep the programmed brain perform. i know this noe coz i cannot undo the worst.
This halting of neurons made my body autoimmune and started to vanish myelin in my neurons. As it will disappear slowly neurons will stop to function. This unknown disease is called Multiple Sclerosis(MS) another incurable white matter disease. But it began and now cannot be stopped.
Sometimes dreams should stop for a better real life. It is not the elderly who are wise. Sometimes their mistakes are unforgivable for the unknown youngs.
I studied for the exam and got good marks. But it did not cleared. Failure is more repenting. I tried again unaware of the growing diseaase. Had I stopped and did my job, life would have been gracious. But I didnt and got an attack. For this I had to take steroids which damaged my body further.
I had to start immune modulating drugs which stopped the disease for some years. But when they stopped, I had no choice to move from one drug to another. But body did not stopped decaying.
For good, I had a Government job. Office had very good bosses as well as bad bosses. Some had category and tried to grab everything out of my talent which they had none. Category people get benefit out of nothing in Government jobs and behave as if they are angels personified. But, I will have to live this life as it is. May other elders learn something from my life which has nothing to live and also hard to die.